


Within Us (SKZ Among Us! AU)

by 5star_illusion



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Among Us, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Humor, Black Changbin, Blue Chan, But like they died so idk, Captain Chan, Character Death, Crewmates - Freeform, Cyan Minho, Grab tissues I guess?, M/M, Minsung childhood best friend, OT8, Pink Jeongin, Polyamorous Stray Kids Ensemble, Purple Seungmin, Red Jisung, The Skeld (Among Us), They're All Gay, White Hyunjin, Yellow Felix, impostor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5star_illusion/pseuds/5star_illusion
Summary: Chan did not expect it. It hurt but somehow, it felt freeing. He would join them soon and maybe... Death seemed so sweet. Even if it's by the younger boy's hands, Chan wanted no other way to go. In a way, the oldest was glad that it was him.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Everyone, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Bang Chan/Kim Seungmin, Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally planned it to be a one chaptered fic but ADHD got me into a zone so yeah haha enjoy. I'm sorry if the beginning is too rushed but I'm too lazy to extend or even make a quick prologue or something.

“And that’s it for the briefing. Any questions?” Chan concluded as his eyes swept across the table where his 7 other crewmates sat. Jisung, decked in his bright red suit, raised his hand enthusiastically. Chan sighed, already expecting an out of topic question from the young crewmate. “Yes?” he groaned while the younger crewmates giggled.

“What are we having for lunch?” Jisung asked. Chan huffed as he checked the tablet to look at the lunch menu.

“Tteokbokki, bibimbap and cheesecake,” came the answer. There were cheers from around the table as the crewmates left the meeting room and scrambled towards the cafeteria to grab their meal before Chan could officially dismiss them. The captain of the crew gave another sigh but couldn’t help letting a fond smile grace his lips before he cleared up the table and head towards the cafeteria to join his beloved crewmates as well.

Chan squeezed in between Minho and Jeongin with his tray and almost immediately, Jeongin leaned into the leader sleepily as he nibbled on his rice cakes. Chan rubbed his head affectionately before concentrating on his meal, eating his food as quickly as possible so he could do his assigned tasks on time.

From where he sat, Chan watched fondly as his crewmates played around as they ate. Felix had some sauce splattered on his yellow suit which Changbin hurriedly tried to clean before it left a permanent mark. Minho was teasing Hyunjin as usual while Seungmin laughed loudly alongside the playful insults thrown about. Jisung was busy trying to find the perfect moment to swipe Felix’s cheesecake even with his own still in his mouth.

Eventually, the group split up to do their assigned tasks. Chan headed towards the Communication room to fix some wiring. He shuffled pass Jeongin who sluggishly made his way towards Electrical to do his tasks. Chan smiled sympathetically at the youngest who pouted at him. The captain watched as the boy disappeared into the dark shadows which promptly reminded Chan why he needed to fix the wirings in the first place.

Settling into a rhythm, he placed his full concentration into the wires. However, just as he was about to finish up, there was a loud, distressed scream coming from Electrical. Within minutes, Chan shot towards the room where Jeongin had collapsed outside in the hallway, his eyes glued at the closed doors of the room with fear.

“Jeongin? What’s wrong, baby?” Chan asked as he checked the youngest for any injury. With a shaking hand, Jeongin pointed towards the Electrical room before proceeding to throw up. Tears streaming down his face as he struggled to breathe. Chan rubbed his back. “What’s wrong?” he whispered urgently. Changbin was the next to arrive, followed by the other crewmates who were further away from Electrical. However, one seemed to be missing but at the moment, no one seemed to notice.

Jeongin whimpered. “Ji… Jisungie hyung,” he hiccupped. A feeling of dread came as Chan slowly approached the door which opened automatically. Chan wanted to throw up as well upon the gory sight that was presented to him. The scent of blood almost empowered his sense of smell as they splattered all over the walls. Jisung’s dead eyes wide with paralysed fear as the last of blood dripped from the large stab wound on his stomach onto the growing puddle of his blood.

A scream made Chan turn as Minho pushed pass him and collected Jisung into his arms. “Jisung? Jisung? Wake up! Who did this to you?” he yelled, nearly in hysterics as Jisung’s blood soaked into his normally pristine cyan suit. “Answer me, please. We can’t live without you,” he sobbed, nearly going insane as he shook Jisung desperately as if it would wake him up.

“H-hyung, he’s gone,” Hyunjin choked back a sob as he buried his face into Seungmin’s neck. Chan could only look in shock as Minho cried louder, apparently in denial as he shook his head.

“No, no, no, no. He’s not gone. We can save him right? He has to tell us who did this to him,” the second oldest screeched, loosing every shred of sanity. Chan could tell that the boy was starting to hyperventilate and if he wasn’t subdued, he might do something crazy.

Chan took a shaky step towards Minho. “I’m sorry, Minho,” he whispered, voice cracking at the reality of the situation. He placed a gentle hand on Minho but was rudely shrugged off. The next thing he knew, he was pinned down by the younger.

“You did this, right? You killed him, right?” Minho shrieked at Chan, who could only gape in confusion at him. Minho’s eyes held crazed rage as he wrapped his hand around Chan’s neck. There was no shred of sanity in him. The older struggled to breathe against Minho’s hold while the other members jumped into action, prying the Cyan suited boy off their leader. He heard the faint order of sedatives as Minho screamed and sobbed, thrashing wildly in Felix and Changbin’s hold as he called for Jisung.

Chan shook as he took in deep intake of air into his lungs. He felt someone’s hand helping him stand up as Seungmin burst in with a syringe containing the sedatives. With much difficulty, the other crewmates managed to pin down the hysterical boy and inject the sedatives into his neck. Minho melted against the floor, tears dripping down his face as he weakly called for Jisung. It hurt them watching the whole scene.

The room was awfully quiet with the exception of quiet sniffles. Chan gave out another shaky sigh as he assessed the situation before him. He wasn’t trained for the sudden death of his member and it brought him a sense of dread at a sudden realisation. Whoever killed Jisung might still be on the ship. It seemed like Changbin had the same idea as his head snapped up and narrowed his eyes at the other members in suspicion. No one noticed the analytical look Changbin gave as they stared at Jisung’s dead body in silence.

“What should we do now?” Jeongin whispered, voice strained. At the youngest words, the crew members turned their attention to their captain. Chan inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling tired from the earlier excitement.

“Changbin, take Minho to the Med Bay to rest. We’ll hold a funeral for Jisungie in two days’ time so take some time off and get ready. Hyunjin, activate one of the robots to clean up the blood and sterilize the whole room. Seungmin, bring Jisung to his room and clean him up for the funeral. I’ll go report to the headquarters later,” he ordered quietly. Everyone nodded at his orders.

Changbin picked up Minho who whimpered slightly and headed towards the direction of the Med Bay. Hyunjin left to pull out the cleaning bots from the storage while Seungmin carefully picked up Jisung’s limp body and solemnly moved towards Jisung’s room, trying his best to not let tears fall. Chan turned to the remaining two members who weren’t assigned tasks in regard to Jisung’s death.

Felix was deathly pale as he wrung his hands while Jeongin bit on his lips, eyes darting everywhere. Chan sighed as he pulled them into hugs. “Get some rest, kids,” he murmured. They both nodded before shuffling out of the Electrical room just as Hyunjin entered with the cleaning-programmed robots in tow. Chan gave Hyunjin a nod before leaving, with a heavy heart, towards the Communication room again but this time to report to his senior at the Space Navy headquarters.

***

Reporting to General Park Jinyoung had always been frustrating. Even more so when he reported Jisung’s death to him. The General only nodded and informed that he will send the Han family a letter of apology and told him to return to duties. When the call disconnected, Chan wanted to scream but he kept it in, not wanting to give his members more scares.

As he leaned back into the chair, Chan heard the door to the Communication Room open, so he turned around to see Jeongin stepping in, a frightened look on his face. “Hyung,” the youngest whispered and Chan gave a small, tired smile, opening his arms for the boy to fall into. Jeongin collapsed into the eldest’s arms, immediately curling up to become smaller despite his taller frame.

Chan ran his hand through the younger boy’s hair, petting him gently as the boy cried into his chest. The captain’s heart ached for the youngest, witnessing his first death on his first mission. Chan hummed softly, trying his best to ease Jeongin’s pain. He knew how much the younger looked up to Jisung, one the first few who welcomed him to their team whole heartedly and enthusiastically showed him around the ship.

Eventually, the sobs subside. Jeongin pulled away sheepishly as he rubbed away the remaining tears. “Better?” Chan asked quietly. The foxy like boy nodded as he tugged on the sleeve of his pink suit. The captain cooed, pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead. “Get some rest, okay? I need to do some rounds,” he gave a small smile. Jeongin nodded and carefully got off so Chan could stand. With a last glance, Jeongin left the Communication Room with a small good night.

Chan cleared up his desk and left the Communication Room, making a beeline towards the Med Bay to check on how Minho was doing. The gentle hum of the ship was in a sense a constant comfort despite a murder that happened in one of the rooms. He passed by Felix and Changbin who were whispering to each other in one of the corner tables of the cafeteria. He gave them a weak smile, in which they returned with equal vigour.

Hyunjin was in the Med Bay, sitting on a chair besides an awake Minho who had a blank look on his face, staring at nothing. Chan supposed that Minho was still in shock over the loss of his closest crewmate and the reality was slowly sinking on him again. Hyunjin was gently rubbing the elder’s hand, trying his best not to cry as he murmured quietly in hopes to help ease Minho’s pain.

Chan’s heart felt heavy as he shuffled towards the duo and sat the edge of the bed. Minho’s eyes flickered with slight acknowledgement before going back to an empty void of thoughts. Chan exhaled quietly and Hyunjin’s eyes met his, distress clear on his face. “How’s he?” Chan asked Hyunjin, knowing that if he asked Minho, the boy wouldn’t answer him.

“Physically, okay. Emotionally?” Hyunjin’s voice wavered slightly, before looking away with a sniffle. Chan reached out and patted the lanky boy’s head carefully. It was hard for all of them with the recent situation. Even Chan couldn’t believe it himself, despite seeing multiple deaths before. But none of them had been people he loved and cared for. A dark feeling of despair gripped his heart, but he had to stay strong for the remaining crewmates.

The room was awkwardly silent for a few more seconds, the only noise coming from the low hum of engine outside the walls of the ship. It was too painfully quiet. They were used to loud laughter and bickering usually started by the residential mood maker, Han Jisung. But with him gone, the ship was deathly silent, and Chan knew how much the crew members weren’t used to it, amongst the knowledge that Jisung was gone forever.

“Who do you think killed him?” Minho whispered suddenly, startling the other two in the room. Chan felt the bitter taste in his mouth as the feeling of dread came back. The kind where it made him want to throw up and wish for death. Hyunjin looked equally sick as both their minds raced with unwanted answers. Chan wanted to deny it but there’s no way Jisung’s death was anything but natural. The answer that came from his mouth tasted vile and now he really wanted to throw up over the sparkling clean floor of the Med Bay.

“An Impostor.”

If the atmosphere could turn any darker, it did. The word ‘Impostor’ was enough to instil fear into any Space Navy Unit. Impostors meant that they took form of any of their crewmates after killing them in order to sneak into their ship. Or had pretended to be human, gained their trust and joined them before finishing them off once they have taken off. No one would be any wiser until the Special Navy noticed the absence of certain reports during monthly evaluations.

As if burned, Hyunjin pulled his hands away from Minho’s, fear evident in his eyes. Minho gave an offended huff and Hyunjin looked slightly guilty, reaching out to hold the elder’s hand again. “Sorry,” the younger muttered, feeling a little stupid. It couldn’t be Minho seeing as him and Jisung were very close and had been childhood friends since forever, based on the ridiculous amount of inside jokes they shared together. If Minho was an Impostor, he wouldn’t have known every embarrassing shit Jisung had done in his lifetime.

Chan’s head raced and his heart beat faster. He was responsible for finding out who killed Jisung and he hated that he had to put everyone under suspicion. It shouldn’t be that way. He chose his teammates, for heaven’s sake. He watched them grow from scared trainees who didn’t know much about the Space Navy to confident men able to handle any combat and tasks laid out for them. If he made another wrong judgement…

Chan shuddered. He sincerely hoped that maybe a foolish Impostor snuck in and not pretending to be one of them. It would be easier, just to eject off someone they didn’t know into the deep space. If not either his judgement had turned to shit, putting everyone in danger or that there’s not one death within the group but two. Chan was not ready for any of those scenarios. There were so many “I hope” that Chan desperately wanted to believe. With a situation like this, one he had never experienced first-hand, it was hard to know what steps needed to be done. Knowing with how the General is, the HQ would just tell him to weed out the Impostors and get rid of them but how could he when he loved all his crewmates equally? What would he do when he found out that the Impostor might be one of them?

“Hyung? You alright?” Hyunjin’s worried voice broke through his thoughts. Chan’s head snapped up to meet Hyunjin and Minho’s eyes. The youngest released his hold on Minho’s hand to grasp at Chan’s, squeezing his calloused hands lightly and kneading it at the right place that got the captain’s muscles to relax slightly. Chan took in deep breaths and exhaled slowly a couple times in order to get a clearer head. He knew once Jisung’s funeral was over, there were many things needed to be done. Questioning the members, reassigning Jisung’s task… Chan didn’t want to think about it.

Suddenly he felt so small and useless, uncertain about the world at the moment. He hadn’t felt that ever since he left home to join the Space Navy ten years ago. Back then, he only had to fend for himself against the other trainees as he pushed on and on to be ahead of his peers. Only the best could climb the ranks. It was a lonely road for Chan as he distanced himself from the other trainees, putting his dreams first and proving to his parents that he was capable by himself. He thought he would walk the lonely road by himself until he met them. The boys who changed his life.

It was frightening how quickly he relied on them. He couldn’t imagine a life without them and thought it would stay that way forever. And now that one of them was gone, he could feel the slow suffocation tightening its gnarly grip on his chest, as if squeezing air out of his lungs like toothpaste and rendering him unable to breathe. He shut his eyes tightly, trying his best to gain back his control, concentrating on the way Hyunjin squeezed his hands and ground himself to the present. He was a leader and he needed to lead his team. There was no time for unnecessary thoughts.

A hand was placed onto his back and he felt himself being pulled into an embrace. His eyes slowly opened to meet Minho’s shoulder. At the moment, he felt his resolve break as he let tears seep into the second eldest’s bloodstained suit. He screamed, voice muffled by the thick material of the suit, body shaking violently as he sobbed and sobbed, clutching Minho as tightly as possible. He felt Hyunjin release his hand to run it through his hair and wipe away his tears. It was almost embarrassing, but Chan didn’t care about his image in front of his crewmates. He had dropped his tough guy persona for a long time already and he let his vulnerable side out in the open for them.

Eventually, he pulled himself together, pushing himself away from Minho’s embrace and wiped the remaining tears. Minho patted his back before scooting back to rest his head on the back of the ward bed. “Thank you,” the captain mumbled.

Minho wrinkled his nose. “Ew, gratitude,” he snorted. Chan had to crack a tiny grin at that. Of course, Minho had to be embarrassed about being the ‘caring’ member and couldn’t accept any thanks properly. With a short huff, Chan stood up and stretched. He placed a short kiss on both Minho and Hyunjin’s foreheads before making his way out.

***

Chan made his way to the sleeping quarters of the ship slowly, his feet dragging towards the second room along the hallway where Jisung’s room was. His mouth felt dry and the need to throw up came back, bubbling at the base of his throat. Instinctively, he raised his hand to knock the door. He could almost imagine the sound of clumsy feet scrambling to reach the door, a giggling voice telling him to wait and door open to reveal Jisung’s cheery face. But there was no sound of quick feet and loud voice. He waited for a few seconds, silently hoping that it was an elaborate plan and that Jisung was just trying to get out of doing his tasks by faking death. But Chan knew he couldn’t even fool himself this time.

Pressing the passcode on the keypad, the door slid open silently and Chan stepped in. Seungmin was there, kneeling beside the Jisung’s bed and silently looking at squirrel-like boy in a daze, a bloody rag clutched tightly in his hand as he wiped the now clean hand absent-mindedly. He didn’t notice the extra addition in the room as he drank in Jisung’s feature, committing it to his memory as much as he could. Chan could see the dried tear tracks on his face and Chan could feel his heart break all over again.

Chan slowly approached the younger boy slowly and gently reached out to touch his shoulder. Seungmin jumped, body tensed up but immediately relaxed when he saw the tired face of his captain. Without a word, Chan wrapped his arm around Seungmin, and the boy collapsed into his embrace. The younger didn’t cry, tears already used up. Chan could see the wet spots on Jisung’s blanket which came from Seungmin’s tears.

“He doesn’t look dead. If I slap him, he’ll wake up and hit me back right?” Seungmin laughed bitterly. “But I already slapped his face five times. Enough to wake anyone but he’s still sleeping there like an idiot.”

Chan reached out and poked Jisung’s side. No reaction. And there would never be again. But Chan wished. He wished so hard that Jisung would wake up, squirm and squeal with laughter and tried to avoid Chan’s tickling fingers but his wish wasn’t granted. Jisung was simply and truly gone.

Jisung looked peaceful despite his brutal death. Seungmin must have closed his eyes, unable to look at the large brown eyes, hoping to at least see some life in it. But it was glassy and dull, eyes that never sparkled with excitement ever again. He was changed into his favourite red pyjamas, the one that had fire truck patterns on it. Perhaps it was the closest to normalcy that Chan could get. Pretending that Jisung was tired and sleeping after days of staying up late to play games or work overtime but the lack of breathing and the frightening paleness of his skin was a daunting reminder that he was never waking up again.

Seungmin got up and gave Jisung a hard glare. “I’m never making your favourite pancakes again if you don’t wake up this instance,” he declared loudly. No movement. “If you wake up, I’ll give you as many kisses as you want?” he bribed. Seungmin’s voice shook as he offered countless more negotiations and Chan watched, heart breaking even more as Seungmin offered the last of his options into the silent air. “Fine, be that way!” he yelled angrily, purple boots kicking Jisung’s bed before turning away and storming out of the dead boy’s room.

Chan sighed, scooting closer to the bed and rested his head against the edge of the bed. He pulled his knees closer before reaching out to hold Jisung’s hand. It was too cold. Jisung’s hands had always been warm, always radiating a comforting heat whenever he touched others whether it was a tight hug or simple hand-holdings. Chan squeezed the younger boy’s hand, hoping to be able to pass on some warmth this time into Jisung. Chan’s hands had always been colder compared to the other crewmates and often wished that he had warmer hands as well but for once, he wished that his hand was still colder than Jisung’s.

“Jisung-ah, wake up please?” Chan whispered. “You made Seungminnie mad. Can you go comfort him please?” he begged. He waited for an answer, but a minute passed with no noise except for the ticking of Jisung’s alarm clock and the hum of the ship.

Chan shivered as he looked around Jisung’s room. His desk was littered with drawings, reports and empty cups of instant noodles. The red laptop that was gifted by Chan years ago was open, but its screen was black, probably placed in sleep mode after being unused for quite some hours. It saddened Chan knowing that no one would be able to use the laptop again. Jisung’s walls were covered with pictures from the group photo of his batch of trainees where he met Felix, Hyunjin and Seungmin to the most recent one where they had a birthday party for Chan in the cafeteria of their ship. There was not one picture where Jisung was ever alone, always with someone from the crew with him, lips stretched into wide grins, showing his gums and pearly teeth, eyes formed into crescents and cheeks probably hurting from smiling too hard. Jisung’s clothes were strewn everywhere. Chan didn’t know whether they were still clean or not. He didn’t remember the last time he saw Jisung do his laundry. Was it a week ago or two? Some old toys were strewn about from the days he would bust them out to play with the other younger members but never bothered to put them back into the box in his closet.

His room was just so Jisung that Chan wanted to laugh. Messy but in an adorable way that only the younger can pull off. “Jisung-ah, Jisung, when are you ever gonna clean your room?” he huffed fondly. The answer was obvious.

Never.

With the quiet hum of the ship and the comforting vibe of Jisung’s room, it lulled Chan to a drowsy state. It’s funny how whenever there were times Jisung was strangely calm, anyone who rested in his presence would fall asleep easily. Chan got up from his original position, rubbing his eyes. He really needed to get some sleep. The day had really tired out everyone and he wasn’t sure if they had eaten dinner yet. Well, he supposed no one would have an appetite anyways, even him and he wasn’t about to start being hypocritical.

Chan turned to Jisung, like Seungmin, tried to commit Jisung to memory. According to the Space Navy funeral regulations, if any soldier died in Space, they were to be incinerated and had their ashes disposed into space as a sign of space honour. Jisung had joked about it before.

_“What other best way to go than to terrorise people in space with your ashy ghost body? Ghosts on Earth can wish this right now,” he laughed loudly when he read the regulations book. “I agree with this,” he nodded, a gleeful look on his face._

Chan smiled softly at the memory. If there were ghosts and such, he hoped that Jisung was a happy little bugger annoying whatever aliens or life form were out there. The captain pressed a firm kiss on Jisung’s cold forehead and pulled up his blanket. For Jisung’s love of kissing sake, he pressed his lips against Jisung’s softly, patting his head and turned away. “Sleep well, darling,” Chan whispered.

And for a moment, he could almost hear the sleepy mumble of, “Goodnight, hyung. I love you,” from Jisung’s bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who killed you, darling?” he sighed. There was no answer. Of course, there wasn’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Minho who bias wrecks me on a daily basis. Also his perspective is added here :3

Perhaps two days wasn’t enough for them to prepare to let Jisung go, Chan concluded. Maybe he should extend the days before they incinerate Jisung and release him into space. Maybe his wish to be an ashy ghost in space had to be placed on hold for a while longer. But they didn’t exactly have a suitable place to preserve his body and it wouldn’t be nice to let his rotting body ruin his room.

Changbin moved Jisung into the Med Bay after Minho had changed him into his favourite red suit. The ones that were filled with doodles, paint splatters, glitter and sequins because Jisung wanted to stand out during his Space Navy Training Graduation. It was worth the disapproving looks from General Park Jinyoung and his instructors and Chan felt a surge of pride and affection for the cheeky boy.

The boys took turns walking into the Med Bay, trying to spend as much time as possible with Jisung. Sometimes Chan would peek in to see different coloured suits hunched over Jisung’s body, body shaking as they cried or poking Jisung just to make sure he wasn’t pretending or kissing him while murmuring into the silence, hoping for some answers.

But eventually, they had to let him go. Become a ghost in the space world. Chan waited for everyone to gather at the Reactor room where the incinerator was. One by one, the boys, neatly dressed in their proper suit, solemnly file into the room, Changbin last as he rolled Jisung’s bed into the room. Jisung looked nice in a Jisung way, hair parted slightly messily, suit placed on just the way he liked it, all done by Minho who quietly requested to at least make Jisung presentable in death. No one argued.

The silence was unbearable as the remaining seven stared at Jisung’s face. Chan sighed deeply, breaking the silence. “Everyone ready?” he asked. He watched as their face turned a little more hesitant, not really wanting to accept the fact that it was time for Jisung to go. “Should I start the ‘goodbye, comrade’ process?” he voiced out again. There was no answer. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he decided with a heavy heart.

“Dear comrade, you’re the naughtiest person on the team but that’s why we love you,” Chan started. There was a dry laugh from someone. “You have done much better than you had expected, and you have never failed to impress us. Although you’ve caused lots of trouble, especially with the higher ups, there is no doubt that you’re one of the brightest soldiers we ever had. And a loving person as well. I am proud to be your leader and… and lover,” the captain finished off. Stepping forward, he pressed his lips against Jisung’s as his final farewell. He could taste the cherry chapstick Jisung always used on his lips and for a while, he wished Jisung would kiss back and ask how his lips taste with that cheeky grin of his.

Chan stepped back and let the next person continue the process. The other members gave their short and sweet eulogies, voices shaking before stepping forward to press their kisses on Jisung’s lips. Occasionally, Minho would reapply Jisung’s chapstick just so that they were kissable for the next person. Jisung would like that, in all honesty. As Jeongin stepped back into line, the silence came back. They looked at Jisung, still as a statue and they memorised his features one last time.

Chan had to break the silence again, walking towards the incinerator to start the fire. “Anything you wanna say or do?” he asked.

“Hold on a minute,” Minho stopped him. The second oldest rolled Jisung’s suit pant up and lifted his hand before swooping down to slap Jisung’s leg. Again, there was no reaction.

“That’s like the fortieth time someone slapped or poked Jisungie,” Seungmin pointed out.

“Just wanted to make sure for the fortieth time that he’s actually dead and not faking it,” Minho grumbled as he rolled down the red pants. “I should draw a penis on his suit, so he knows that he’s a dick in the afterlife.”

“Damn, boy really is dead. Must really want to be an ashy space ghost so bad,” Felix said dryly. Everyone cracked a tiny grin at that. Chan laughed softly and turned to the giant green button on the machine.

“Everyone ready?” he looked at his members. No one answered and he took that as a yes. With shaking hands, he quickly pressed the button before he could change his mind. The machine clanged and whirled to life, fire shooting up large and roaring as the conveyor belt Jisung laid on moved, pushing the boy towards the gaping fire mouth. The members watched, burning his face to memory as they let him go. It was too early, but they had no choice.

Just as the last of Jisung burned, Hyunjin was the first to collapse against Minho, crying ugly tears as he whimpered for Jisung. Felix burst into tears as well in which Seungmin immediately hug the boy in hopes to comfort him but there were tears silently dripping down his face. Jeongin pressed his face into Changbin’s shoulder as he shook, eyes squeezed shut as he tried his best to not lose it and scream for Jisung to come back. Chan… Chan could only watch his remaining members with a broken heart, the taste of bile stuck in his throat as he turned off the incinerator. The reactor room was left to be filled with despaired cries for Jisung and the sound of seven hearts aching.

***

Chan watched as the space took away Jisung’s ashes from the eject room, scattering the light particles into the dark void to join the other thousands of brave space soldiers ghosts. It hurt him, seeing Jisung joining them at such a young age, with more bright potential to show but at least there’s some old ghost guy learning how to do a whip or some weird dance Jisung learned online.

Jeongin’s face was pressed against the glass window, eyes glued to the floating particles that separated into nothingness. It was only Chan and Jeongin in the cafeteria where the door to the ejection room was located, the rest have gone back to their rooms to deal with their grief in their own ways. Chan had given them another two days to come to terms with the situation before they need to return to their tasks, under the orders of the General.

“Do you think he’ll be cold in space?” Jeongin whispered. Chan wasn’t sure if Jeongin was talking to him or to himself. The silence stretched on for another 30 minutes or so. Jisung’s ashes were long gone but Jeongin continued staring wistfully out of the window. “Maybe I should burn some paper blankets, so he’ll be warmer if we get back to Earth,” the youngest nodded to himself.

Chan smiled affectionately at the pink suited boy’s thoughtfulness. “He might appreciate that,” he agreed. Jeongin’s lips twitched into a quick smile as he walked away from the window. After giving Chan another hug, he left the cafeteria towards his sleeping quarters, leaving Chan alone in the unnecessarily large and cold room that left him small and lonely.

Chan shook his head and turned his attention back to the window, watching the endless space that didn’t seem to move. He didn’t know how long he stood there, straining his eyes on nothing, mind blank for once, until he heard the door of the cafeteria slide open. “Captain?” Minho called out, his voice sounded hoarse and scratchy, probably from all the yelling and crying he might have done in his room.

“Hey. Why are you here?” Chan asked, voice soft as Minho walked towards to the water dispenser and pulled out one of the paper cups.

“Wanted to get a drink,” the cyan-suited male muttered as he filled the cup with ice cold liquid and took a long gulp, sighing as he wiped away some of the water that might have missed his mouth. Tossing the cup into the trash can, Minho finally looked at the oldest. “You?”

Chan hummed. “Just thinking,” he answered after a few seconds. The distance between them was awkward, Minho standing at the water dispenser and Chan at the window on the opposite end. Minho kept his eyes locked on his captain and Chan could see the redness in them. “Come here, baby,” he opened his arms and Minho ran into his embrace, squeezing the blue-suited male as tightly as he could. Chan grunted at the heavy impact but wrapped his arm around Minho.

They hugged for a long time, both of them lost in their own thoughts, Chan’s chin on the taller male’s shoulder as rubbed his back absent-mindedly while the younger ran his hand through Chan’s dehydrated hair, careful not to tug too hard on the tangles. Chan didn’t know what time it was, whether it was time for dinner or not but for the moment, he was too tired to care, melting against Minho’s embrace.

“’M sorry,” he heard Minho say faintly.

“Hm?” Chan pulled back to look at Minho’s face, eyes drinking in his handsome feature despite the dark eye circles and gaunt cheeks. He looked worse for wear but nevertheless, still gorgeous and stunning in his Minho way.

“I’m sorry for that time. I wasn’t thinking straight, and it got the better of me,” Minho mumbled. His eyes darted everywhere to look at anything but Chan, guilt plastered on his face. Chan gently cupped the younger boy’s face and tugged him closer, so their foreheads touched, effectively forcing Minho to focus on him. Minho inhaled shakily closing his eyes for a few seconds and opening to meet Chan’s understanding eyes.

“It’s not your fault. You still have PTSD from your last team, and anyone could’ve reacted the way you did,” Chan reassured quietly, “I have never once blamed you, my love.”

Minho looked so broken as he gripped Chan’s suit tighter. He trembled, chest heaving as he tried not to remember the screams of his Jimin hyung when he was stabbed by the Impostor they thought they could trust as he hid in one of the cabinets, trying not to make a sound as he watched the murder in front of his eyes. He could not forget the panicked eyes of his mentor who pushed him into the cabinet at the last minute, telling him to keep quiet before shutting the door. He could never forget the way Jimin faced the Impostor head on to protect him and watching the blood that seeped out onto the ground. The impostor stood over the body, watching Jimin’s life deplete with that sick gleeful look on his face before walking towards one of the vents to escape from the scene.

***

_Although justice was brought to Jimin and they had ejected the Impostor and returned safely, Minho had never been the same. He lost the fiery spark in his eyes, left the team and spent months grieving and blaming himself for not coming to Jimin’s rescue, even when the captain of his former team told him Jimin made the choice because he could’ve died as well if they tried to take on the Impostor together and Jimin made a wise decision in hiding him. It only served him as a reminder that he wasn’t as strong as he thought as he pushed himself into a wreckage of no return if it wasn’t for Jisung who excitedly told him that he was joining the SNU and wanted Minho to be his mentor._

_Minho yelled at Jisung, calling him crazy and gave him million reasons why he shouldn’t join the SNU. He even begged, crying as he told Jisung not to enrol and just continue having a normal life on Earth but Jisung remained insistent. “I’m going to join, whether you like it or not, hyung. You know there’s no changing my mind once I’ve made a decision,” Jisung grumbled stubbornly._

_Minho sighed in defeat, a broken breath of air as he held Jisung’s hands. “Why?” he whispered. Jisung smiled, squeezing the older boy’s hands, a warm reassurance of safety, adoration and love._

_“Because I wanna be by your side as we go through tough times together and I trust you to protect me, hyung. And I wanna protect you too. I don’t wanna be away from you for one moment and if anything happens, we can do it together forever,” Jisung grinned. “Plus, if we end up on the same team, I have someone to annoy!”_

_Minho smiled helplessly at the younger boy. “Why do I love you so much?” he complained but nevertheless, he pulled Jisung closer and pressed his lips against the younger’s cherry flavoured ones into a sweet, giggly kiss._

_Minho looked so proud when Jisung skipped towards the middle of the stage to receive his certificate in his brightly decorated red suit, cheering alongside Changbin from the spectator seats. He waved wildly when Jisung turned to face the crowd to have his photo taken with his certificate and when Jisung saw his boyfriend, his grin stretched even wider and he waved back with equal vigour much to the General’s disapproval._

_When Jisung hopped into the ship with Hyunjin, Felix and Seungmin, Minho was already familiar with the ship, showing off the cool stuff they had. They walked hand in hand, as they explored the ship. Well, more like the new additions explored the ship while Minho gave them a rough idea of how things worked. Later, when Jisung and him sat in his new bedroom, not yet a mess from his untidy habits, they shared soft kisses, giggling at what happened during the graduation._

_It was also the night where Jisung admitted that he might like his other fellow graduates and bit his lips nervously to watch Minho’s reaction. Minho had laughed, also admitting that he might have fallen for Changbin and Chan as well and if the younger liked, they could slowly see how things go and ask them out. But for now, Minho wanted Jisung for himself, in their own little bubble._

_They promised to by each other’s side and the other boys’ too and to love even death couldn’t pry them apart. To the infinity and beyond, as quoted by Felix._

***

Minho let out broken sobs. “Hyung, I promised to protect him, but he’s gone now. How can I ever forgive myself?” he whimpered. Chan’s heart ached as he pulled Minho closer, letting the other boy bury his face into his chest. Tears dripped from the oldest boy’s face, but he kept quiet, kissing Minho’s head helplessly. Minho’s cries echoed in the empty cafeteria, apologizing to Jisung over and over again but knowing it won’t bring him back to them.

Tears run out and throat raw, Minho finally stepped back, and Chan loosened his hold slightly. Minho inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly through his mouth. “Thanks, hyung,” he mumbled and turned away, before hurrying back to his room. Chan watched as the cyan suited boy leave and the aching in his heart increased tenfold as he leaned against the window and stared out into space.

“Who killed you, darling?” he sighed. There was no answer. Of course, there wasn’t.

Chan eventually left the cafeteria and headed to… Well, nowhere. He stood in the middle of the hallway, feeling so lost as he tried to think. Being so used to know what to do, tasks ordered by the General, suddenly he was left with nothing to do except to grief and Chan hated the feeling. He hated not knowing what to do, hated that nothing in his brain was moving, everything in a standstill that pushed him to fall into a dark void of unnecessary bad thoughts. His breath quickened and his chest tightened, and he found himself gasping, eyes shut and ears ringing as he struggled to breathe and ground himself, desperately trying to grab any shred of control.

“Hyung!” Chan could vaguely hear someone before his vision tunnelled and he was pushed into the deep abyss of darkness.

***

Cold. That was what registered in Chan’s brain as his eyes opened to meet the dark expanse of black. He gasped as air filled his lungs, a warm consolation despite the chill he felt as he turned around in a full circle, trying to understand where he was.

_Hyung._

Chan jumped, turning quickly which made him stumble slightly. Arms grabbed on to his, stabilizing him and Chan looked up to face the cheery, sparkling eyes of Jisung. “Sungie?” he gasped, and the boy giggled, enveloping the older into a tight hug.

“I’m here, hyungie. I’m here,” Jisung whispered, burying his face into Chan’s neck as he held his leader tighter. Chan could feel the tears dripping down his face as he clutched the younger boy, feeling the solid body pressing against his, trying to commit the shape of him into memory.

Jisung’s arms were cold and Chan couldn’t feel the steady rise and fall of Jisung’s chest, but it didn’t matter. Jisung was in his arms and he didn’t want to let go. “Don’t leave us, Sungie. Come back, can you?” Chan begged. Jisung pulled away and shook his head.

“I can’t hyungie. You know I can’t,” Jisung sighed sadly, as he cupped Chan’s face to wipe away his tears. Chan shivered as he learned into Jisung’s cold hand. He reached up to grasp the smaller boy’s smaller hands with his larger ones, and he exhaled a shaky breath, pressing a small kiss to Jisung’s wrist.

“I love you, baby. Please don’t leave us,” Chan tried again, trying to show Jisung how desperate he was. Jisung pulled the older boy closer and kissed him, softly, reassuringly, lovingly and Chan kissed back urgently, fiercely, roughly, holding Jisung as tightly as he could, hungrily imprint the younger boy against him, relishing the way they fit so perfectly like a puzzle. The push and pull were too much but they didn’t care, lips bruising as Chan kissed with uncontrolled desperation, not wanting Jisung to disappear again. Jisung could only gently run his cold hands through Chan’s hair, sighing once in a while into Chan’s lips as he let his beloved leader release his anguish into the kiss.

When Chan pulled back slightly to breathe, resting his forehead against Jisung’s. He desperately wanted to hear Jisung’s breath panting but there was nothing. He couldn’t feel the hot air that usually passed Jisung’s lips whenever they kissed when he was alive, and Chan could feel himself crying again. Jisung pressed a small kiss on his lips again. “Don’t cry, hyungie. I’m okay. You’ll be okay. The members will be okay too,” the younger whispered. Chan shook his head as he gulped, wetting his throat with his saliva.

“I don’t know if we’ll be okay without you, Sung,” he croaked. Jisung laughed and Chan could almost imagine feeling the soft huff of air on his face.

“You’ll be okay. I’ll always be beside you until the day we all die. And even so, death won’t do us part,” the squirrel-faced boy reassured. Chan nodded hesitantly. The both of them were quiet for a while, Chan holding tightly to Jisung and hoped that he didn’t have to leave. Never have to leave Jisung alone for even a minute. No, second.

“Can you… can you tell me who killed you?” Chan asked, his voice quiet.

Jisung shook his head. “I can’t tell you who it is,” the boy replied softly.

“Why?” Chan demanded but Jisung could only smile sadly. “Please, we need to do you justice,” the leader whispered hoarsely.

“I don’t need justice. I understood perfectly why he needed to do what he did. I just need you to know that he never wanted any of this and that he’s sorry for it. And even if you find out who he is, please, just understand him,” Jisung sighed. “Just promise you’ll take care of the boys, okay? And yourself too,” he smiled, a soft fond look in his eyes as he pressed a short kiss on Chan’s lips.

Chan nodded hesitantly and Jisung’s smile widened. “How does my cherry chapstick taste?” Jisung asked cheekily and Chan laughed, the aching fondness in his chest as he kissed the boy again.

“Very nice. Like you,” he replied and Jisung huffed in happiness. “I love you, Sungie. I miss you so much,” Chan murmured and Jisung nodded.

“I think it’s time for you to wake up, Channie,” Jisung informed. Chan’s eyes widened and he was about to protest, but Jisung pressed his lips against Chan’s to silence him for a bit. “You can’t be here forever. The boys need you,” Jisung said firmly. “I need you to be there for them, okay? Can you do that?”

Chan nodded, eyes watering and Jisung smiled sadly. “I love you, hyungie. So, so much. Never forget that, okay?” the younger whispered, giving his leader another tight hug.

“Okay. I’ll do whatever Sungie says. I love you,” Chan sobbed into the younger’s neck and with that, Jisung faded and Chan was left alone again, holding the empty space that used to be Han Jisung.

***

When Chan’s eyes opened again, he was met with the muted dark ceiling of the Med Bay. He could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the familiar hum of the ship. His throat felt dry and raw, almost hurting, and he itched for a glass of water. He inhaled deeply and slowly released the air with a hiss. He hadn’t realised the presence of another person in the room until Hyunjin’s head snapped up at the sound he emitted.

“Hyung!” Hyunjin yelled and Chan winced at the loud voice, but he gave the lanky boy a weak smile as he sat up slowly. Hyunjin looked worried, but the relief was evident on his face as well as he checked on Chan’s vitals. Everything seemed stable and Hyunjin switched off the heart monitor and pulled away the clip that was on Chan’s finger. He poured a glass of water for Chan and helped the older boy drink the cool liquid. Chan sighed in satisfaction, relieved at the hydration of his throat while Hyunjin placed the glass back besides the pitcher before reaching out to link their hands together, Hyunjin’s large ones almost swallowing Chan’s smaller ones.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Hyunjin mumbled as he pressed a soft kiss on the back of Chan’s hand. The leader gave the boy an apologetic look, squeezing his hand tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Chan apologised and Hyunjin smiled softly, his thumb rubbing against Chan’s knuckles lovingly. They shared a comfortable silence in the darkness of the Med Bay. “I saw Jisungie,” Chan finally broke the silence and Hyunjin stood up suddenly.

“You saw Jisungie? What did he say? Did he miss us? Was he okay? Did he tell you who killed him?” Hyunjin almost shouted as questions after questions spilled from his mouth. Chan opened and closed his mouth, trying to get a word in Hyunjin’s rambling. Seeing that it wasn’t gonna stop anytime, Chan tugged Hyunjin down onto his lap. The sudden action made the taller boy yelp but effectively shut him up.

Chan smiled at the younger who looked sheepish. “Sungie’s fine. He misses you guys a lot too,” he laughed fondly, letting the younger melt against him in a warm embrace. “He wouldn’t tell me who killed him though,” Chan admitted.

“What? Why?” Hyunjin looked shocked and Chan shrugged helplessly.

“He just didn’t want to. He told me that he understood why the Impostor killed him and told us to be understanding even when we find out who he is,” Chan sighed, rubbing his forehead. Hyunjin looked deep in thoughts at the information. Chan could feel his body tensing and relaxing as thoughts passed through the younger’s mind. Hyunjin finally gave up, sighing heavily against Chan’s chest.

“What else did he say?” Hyunjin whispered.

“I love you, take care of yourself, how his cherry chapstick taste, how even death won’t do us part, sappy stuff, etc,” Chan answered and Hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh. It was just so Jisung that it felt like he never left. Chan smiled helplessly as he rested his chin on Hyunjin’s shoulder, hugging him tighter as they laughed over the dumb things Jisung used to do.

Eventually, their conversation died down and Hyunjin yawned, eyes dropping every now and then before snapping open in attempts to stay awake. Chan stroke his back, pulling the younger boy down with him as he lied back in the ward bed. Hyunjin removed his white shoes with his feet before swinging his legs onto his bed and rearranged himself to snuggle himself closer to Chan, trying his best to make himself as small as possible.

Chan smiled as Hyunjin pressed a short kiss against his lips. “I love you, Channie hyung,” the younger mumbled. Chan returned the sentiments as he continued stroking the other boy’s back, humming a soft lullaby to ease Hyunjin into a proper sleep. “Do you think I’ll see Jisung in my dreams?” Hyunjin asked, words slurring as his eyes drooped even more.

“I think he would like that,” Chan answered but whether Hyunjin heard him or not, he wasn’t sure. But as his closed his eyes, he felt that sweet, warm peace he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what to feel. Maybe I should cry aha


End file.
